Dating After Distancing

The past year has been interesting for us all, especially those of us who were single and trying to navigate the unknown alone. While I wish that the changes that I myself needed to make in my own life did not need to be brought front and center via a glaring spotlight in the form of a pandemic, it is what it is. The blessing in disguise was that the social distancing aspect of the pandemic forced me to dive deep down to the depths of unchartered water that I thought I had navigated years ago. The truth was that I had indeed not dealt with ALL of the things. It seems that I had buried them in a treasure chest with a padlock that had finally rusted through, opening and exposing what lie within. It was not a "treasure" per se, but it still needed to be found, and the wealth of that bounty will forever change the course of my vessel.

Being alone at home for so many months forced me to take an inventory of who I was, who I am, and who I want to be and be with. I had to conjure up the ghosts of the past in order to make peace with the present. There was no other way. So, what does this have to do with dating? The simple answer is that you cannot move forward and start dating until you have learned and received the lessons from the past. If you are anything like me, you did quite a bit of self-reflection during the pandemic, making and taking notes of what you like and don’t like in your life. You probably also made a list of the things that you want to change about yourself, your environment, and how you will spend your time once you are set free back out into the world. Here are some of the lessons that I learned during the pandemic.

1) Your body truly is your temple. You need to honor it, not just with healthy foods and movement, but also with a great deal of self care. I have always been a person to put everyone else and their needs before myself. That dynamic changed during distancing. I started to really tune into what was important to me. I learned to pay attention to the signals my body was giving me of what it needed. I started eating more intuitively, and I started taking more breaks throughout the day to sneak out for a walk in nature. I also started to return to some of the long abandoned routines that I used to love, like dry brushing, foot massages, and at-home facials. When you take the time to honor your body, you learn to love it again, flaws and all. This is so important as you return to dating because you have to love and honor your body before you can expect someone else to do the same. Embrace the "sexy" before the sexy arrives.

2) Take time for mental health. Mental health seems to be a taboo topic that nobody wants to talk about. The truth of the matter is that everyone has good and bad days. Life is not perfect, and it stresses us the f*ck out sometimes. It is okay to not be okay. It is also okay to ask for help when you need it. Take time to pause what you are doing and invest in 5 minutes of downtime to get your mind straight. I rediscovered my love for yoga and meditation during the pandemic. I am a person whose mind is very noisy when I am in a quiet environment. The time spent at home alone led to a symphony of thoughts playing over and over again in my mind. A meditation and yoga practice helped me to learn to quiet the noise in my mind, or to at least become the conductor who gets to interpret and move the performance along from noise to harmonious music. It is important to be in great mental and emotional health when entering the dating scene, and even more so when beginning a relationship. Take the time to tidy up your mind. This includes dealing with all of the unresolved trauma and disappointment from past relationships. Unpack your mind, so that you do not carry that baggage into a new relationship.

3) Your environment is part of who you are. We have all spent a great deal of time at home in the past year, so we have discovered how important it is to have a warm and inviting living space. Clean and declutter your home. Get rid of the things that no longer serve you. Donate old clothes, unused items, etc. to a charity who can get those items into the hands of someone who can really use them. Give your place a makeover. Buy some new furniture or throw on some new paint. Create a space that feels like an extension of who you are. This will help when dating as you will eventually be bringing your potential partner into your home. Give them a great first impression. Set the scene for some romance with new candles and fresh flowers. Also, now is the time to put away all of the “ex stuff “ (photos, gifts, etc). You don’t need the "ex energy" creeping into your new dating space. Some fresh sheets and linens are an essential purchase right now too.

4) Self-exploration and growth are essential for both life and love. I spend a great deal of my downtime reading books on love, dating, meditation, and wellness. It centers me. It is important to always be growing and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Reading books that put you in a positive mindset will help you to do just that. Explore your creative side as well. When is the last time that you just went outside and played? Take an art class, learn to play an instrument, or try your hand at poetry. Try new things so that you can discover new things about yourself. We change with each new year, and that includes what sets our soul on fire. It is important to be playful in both life and love. Bring that new energy into the dating world as well. Try something new on a date, like glass blowing or an escape room. Do the things that will bring out the inner child in both of you, and then continue to do them.

5) It is important to do a “dating makeover”. You are about to enter the dating world again after one of the most trying years of your life. You are not the same person that you were pre-pandemic, so don’t get lazy and just throw your old dating profile up on the various sites and apps. Sit down and make a list of what your current wish list and dealbreakers are. Refine that list as you start dating again. You will learn even more about yourself and what you want as you begin to go on dates. Also, get new photos done. Book a fun photo session, with a mix of both indoor and outdoor shots. Do I need to mention grooming? Get a fresh haircut and color, buy new makeup, whiten your teeth, and be sure to wax ALL of the things that you have allowed to grow wild during lockdown. You are about to start dating again, and you do not want to give off a “lost for a year in the jungle” vibe. You may want to freshen up your wardrobe as well. Buy 3 great go-to outfits that you can wear for first dates. (The yoga pants and tee shirt look from the past year is not “first date approved” apparel.) You may want to give your car a deep clean as well, just in case you are picking someone up for a date.

I hope that these tips and the lessons from the past year will help you as you embark on this next chapter in your dating life. If you are single and ready to start dating again after distancing, remember to put the work in first. Half ass effort brings about a half ass date. Nobody wants to attract that broken energy. Keep it fresh. Keep it simple. Enjoy the process. Dating is supposed to be fun and light.

Dating after distancing is the time to live in the moment, embrace the unexpected, and go with the flow. This past year has taught us that you never know where life or love will lead you, so don’t be afraid to explore this new territory. Just remember to bring a flashlight because you don’t want to get lost along the way.

From my heart to yours,

XOXO Lisa Maria